FUCK YOU.

shit, i really wasted my time. i thought at least once, when i talk to you, you would at least be happy that i finally talked to you at least once in this long period! but no. all you responded was, "You too."

I don't even fucking deserve a FULL sentence? man, FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU! i heard you changed a lot since we stopped talking. i thought you would at least be more respectful if i talked to you AT LEAST ONCE. but no. you haven't changed your ways towards me. NOT ONCE.

you don't even deserve my friendship at all. i gave myself time to keep it together to build up the courage to face you and fix our relationship. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, it's fucking christmas! & yet i'm sitting here venting when i could be doing something more.

i don't even know why i try to be your friend anymore. christmas wish gone. it's not gonna come true anymore. thanks a lot. Merry Christmas.

good or bad.

i've done something to help a friend. and it feels good cause it made an impact on them. but then, this whole day, the things i tried to do, hurt all three of them. i didn't mean to. i just wanted everything to clear up, & that everything will be fine. but it blew up in my face.

i'm glad that i could spend the day with you today & made you feel a lot better than you did. i really am. but i'm also sorry that those things happened today, to everyone. i won't be involved anymore. i'll let you three solve it.

santa, am i a good person for helping out a friend? or am i a bad one for hurting three people who really depend on me. it's all my fault.

YES FINALLY.

I GOT MY INTERNET BACK! no more dying of boredom (: for two days straight, i had to do nothing but 6 straight hours of games, & 4 or 5 hours of dvds. i was literally going crazy.

alrighty now, this is was had happen so far. saturday was like, the highlight of my week so far. nice way to start off the break<3 went to six flags for JIMMY DAO'S birthday (: but bad things also happened that day. D: when we was on the superman, i almost dropped my camera! right when we get up at the top, i pull out my camera to take pictures. & as i start to slip it on, BOOM. we drop. shit, i was ready! D:

then that night, on the way driving back to garland for chili's, we get into a car accident with a damn red jeep. poor jimmy's car. his hood was badly dented :[ then when we continued on the road later on, we saw this car get into an accident! IT FUCKING BLEW UP IN FLAMES! well not the whole thing (: luckily that guy had a fire extinguisher in the trunk (:

& then when i came home, i got bitched at for going out without asking. shit i asked the day before -____________-" then my sister came home & woke me up when her loud ass voice. but i don't blame her. she got into her first fight that night. some crazy ass bitch attacked tina & my sister happened to jump in to pull her off. but hey! if you see my sister, don't mention this to her (;

then since sunday till now, i stayed home dying D: can't wait for tomorrow! (:

one more thing, QUIT, JUST QUIT. damn. i hate it when you do these kinds of things to me. i don't appreciate you doing it everytime.

first day of moving,

TOTALLY SUCKS. i have to share a room with my bitchy ass sister. it's so sad. I HATE IT. i hate it hate it hate it! i want to live at my old place. :[ the thing that made it worse, was that i had to pack & study for anatomy & w.history. stayed up to two in the morning. i just totally gave up to sleep<3 & i ended up failing like a bitch D:

okay for the first time ever, i'ma mention their name. AMBREA needs to STFU i swear. I don't ever fucking command you to do shit. i, ASK. i say PLEASE. even though i don't even want to. i try to be nice. ouu i swear, one day, you'll get your ass kicked. acting hard when your NOT. arghh.

okay positive stuff now, TODAY! is
JIMMY DAO'S BIRTHDAY /big>
HAPPY HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY! (: only a year closer to old age >:D

-will post pictures later on about the new place.
you know, my music shit don't work no more D:

STFU.

damn. i don't know if it's even worth playing basketball anymore. I DON'T DO SHIT TO YOU. i ask nicely for you to do something & you go on about something else & get pissed off. shit. all i asked was to NOT TOUCH ME when i'm playing. i hate being touched. & what do you do? you go off on me talking like i don't know what i'm doing & then go ahead & call me slow. bitch please. quit talking. YOUR the reason why i don't wanna play anymore.
i'm tired of this shit. we mess around too much, we don't get enough play time cause we think this is all stupid. it's stupid alright, but it's what makes me BETTER. & you know what? today's game, it brought back the things he said to me. "North Garland sucks. You always sucked. Freshmen, JV, & Varsity. No matter what, you guys lose. What's the point in going to watch you guys lose?" i almost even believed those words today.

venting.

your still in my mind. you still haunt me. i don't want to stay in touch, but then again, i do. your not as close to me as you used to be. & i'm okay with that. i don't wanna rush into things.
life as in right now, it seems so perfect. but in a way, it's not either. & it's beginning to scare me. i don't want a perfect life. then it'll become so predictable, that it's nothing new anymore. i want EXCITEMENT! i want everyday to become a surprise! new things happening every single day.
moving, i hate moving. i moved so many times in my life. why again? i want to settle in just ONE place. all this packing & unpacking, it's too much work. this house has so many memories, this area has a WHOLE bunch of memories. i feel like i'm throwing them away.
i need time with friends, just old friends. people who i haven't been able to keep in touch with anymore. i miss you guys. why can't life be the same as it used to be? 6th grade, is where i want to be. a time where nothing else mattered but happiness<3
i may look happy to you, but inside, you'll never know if i truly am or not. the real truth is, i'm not even sure myself. i try to be honestly. you know, sometimes, i feel like i put on a mask, give you a show, & sleep on it. i don't truly feel like myself anymore. that person died out a while back.
christmas is coming, & i want to spend it with everybody i know. white snow, snowmen, snowball fights, cuddling next to the fire, drinking hot chocolate how yummy<3

no title.

Please tell me, am I really a bad person?

do i look like a toy to you?

quit playing with me! am i nothing but dirt to you? we used to be so close to each other. & now you act like you don't even know me at all. i'm trying to build up the courage to actually fix this. but every time i try, i fail. your not the same person you were back then. i know that people change, but you. YOU. you completely changed! i don't even know what to do with you anymore. i'm going insane in my head. i don't know what to do anymore. can you just give me a sign? time is running out, i'm running out of patience. can you please tell me red light or green light.

without words.

Is it wrong? Am I in the wrong here? I feel like a horrible person. Every time you pop up in my head, I have all of this guilt built up in me. I feel like crying every time I think about it. Why is that? I guess I know myself. But what can I do? It happened in the past, & I can't go back & change it.

confusion?

okay so i do this one thing, & it's supposed to make me happy. but when i look back at it, it blows in my face? why am i so messed up in the head? shit.

FLASHBACK.

Watching asian dramas make me think of the good times in the past. Making me remember why I watch them in the first place! I always wanted to be just like the main character in those dramas, always being the better person, doing the right thing, always look for the good side of people. But when I get back to reality, THAT'S SO NOT ME. HAHA. I tried to be that before, I can't be nice all of the time! I have to be mean at some point. (; My "niceness" only lasts for two hours. What an accomplishment right? :D

So tomorrow's the last day of Volleyball, I'm going to miss our group. It was fun while it lasted team<3 Let's make the best out of it, shall we? (: Basketball! Here I come!

YOU! Even when you disappeared from me, YOU keep coming back to me some how! WHY. Is this a sign for me? GO AWAY. I'm living very happily without you right now! I don't want to hear about you anymore. I want to live happily without you for a least 2 months. GO AWAY.

Don't leave so soon! We're this close! I HATE YOUR PARENTS. Your gonna leave me alone in A1 now :[ Come back soon sweet cheeks<3

So I'm looking forward to this Saturday<3 Hmart, Yogurtland, & trick or treating! How great is that?

what are you?

your a different person now. i can't believe this from YOU. i heard lots & lots of things, but i can't get myself to believe it. you do this & that, you say this & that. but where do i fall under? just forget it. i can't see you the same anymore. save the drama, because i am done being helpful. you have lost my trust.

daydreaming.

i've always have big dreams. i wanna do this, i wanna do that. i want this, i want that. i can think of a million things that i want to have in my life, but i can never achieve them. i've always been the dreamer, not the pursuer.

you are amazing<3

How do you do it? Whenever my days are going bad, you end up making it the best day ever. Every time I'm with you, you make me forget about everything that was happening, & see everything that is happening to me right at that moment. You make me wanna spend more time with you. You are unbelievable<3

slowly fading away.

i miss you terribly, deeply. i feel like i;m missing a piece of me. do you know how hurt i feel inside? are you doing this on purpose? i can completely understand if you are, but is this the right way to do things? can't you just be honest & tell me? i don't wanna sit & wonder each & every day. i'm losing myself, & i'm also losing you. i'm one of those people who just love to wish & wish & wish. but never strives towards what they want. just quit playing games with me okay? be honest & tell me the truth. i'm tired of waiting.

i don't think i know the true meaning of friends anymore, truly i don't. i don't have friends who care for me anymore. they're just people whose there. i want people who i can enjoy my time with, do thinks for me so i can question myself why do i have such good friends.

do you honestly think that your a good friend? no your not. friends would never do that, they would never think of that. i hate you. i feel like you just love putting on a show, just to get the attention. i just can't believe you. you never have my trust again.

ugh ugh UGH

i'm jealous, i know i am. having other girls coming & talking to you, makes me JEALOUS. i hate it. i feel like i lost you, the sweet guy that i always had. but now, i feel like i'm losing you forever. i know i don't really show it as much right now, but at this very moment, i realized, i don't wanna lose you. but i guess that you don't want to have anything to do with me at this moment. is this supposed to get me to come running back to you? if it is, it's really stupid. you make me mad all the time, you say things too honestly, but i'm still connected to you somehow. you make me not want to let go at all. but iono how to tell you. i want to tell you so bad, but for some reason, i feel like you don;t care at all. that you just forgot about me, left me behind. I don't want an on & off yes, but i do just wanna keep you with me always<3 can you at least just give me a clue? somehow show me tell me if you want me to stay or not. i don't wanna sit & wonder what's good with you.

YOU! OMG, you piss me off at times. Your a hypocrite! you do something to me, i don't worry about it, i do the same, you get pissed. SHIT. don't do things that you don't want people to do to you! & you didn't even know my friend at all, & randomly take his shirt? what the fuck man. that's effin rude, i mean, coming from him, it's cool cause you know you. but your a friend stealer! i notice that on you i swear. Your just like my sister, & that's what i hate about you. You use people to get to know more people so you can be known. i hate how you try to steal MY friends away from me. get your facts straight i swear, you may know more people than me, but you can never find good friends like i have. Being popular means NOTHING to me. You act just like pisey right when she started. you just try hard to get attention. i'm getting sick & tired. i don't wanna even hang around with you anymore. you act such like a real cheerleader. always gotta have things your way i swear. get what you want, & leave the rest. what kind of friend are you?

when will you grow the fuck up?

you think your all "mature" & shit, just cause you have an id to tell you. You're not fucking grown up! You're a failure. A total screw-up, selfish brat. You tell me that I need to grow the fuck up, PLEASE. I at least act my age, I get my education done. & what do you do? You make our mother worry & cry, making things worse for her. Bitch please, you haven't grown up yet. Your still living off of her money! You say you pay for your own shit, things you need, bitch, you have mommie for that. All you do with your money is go clubbing. GET CHO HEAD STRAIGHT. You ain't grown up at all! I didn't even hear some fucking words you said three times, & you throw a bitch fit at me. Just cause you couldn't have it your way, your fucking selfish! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD. Realize the shit your doing & fix it. Fuck damn.

Louis Ly.

Louis, although I didn't know you well,
I knew you enough to know that your a great guy.
We will never forget you<3
Rest In Peace My Friend.
May all your dreams & wishes come true.
I'll meet you at the gateway someday.

March 26,1994 - September 12-13, 2009

Not Anymore.

I hate this feeling. This week has gotten me to think a lot about my life. I notice that I'm not close to anybody at all. I can't confide in anybody, run to anybody, trust anybody. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Just someone whose watching the show, no voice coming out at all. I wanna change it so bad. I wanna go back to where we would just chill & hang out with no problems. No worries. Those memories are so hard to get back now.

I hate North Garland so bad. Take me out of it PLEASE. There is literally no one who that I am close to. I can only see them as a person who I can just talk to. The majority of them are either stuck up or they just really bother me. Where is the meaning of friendship? Where did it go? Cause seriously, I don't know the meaning of it anymore. I try & try so hard to get it back. But you know what? It's not coming back anymore. I don't wanna sit around & wait for that person to walk into my life & stay. I wanna find it now, but with the people that I get stuck with, for sure, they are not it.

You say a lot of things, you can be the sweetest person ever, but you can also be the most hurtful one yet. I didn't get to play yesterday it bothered me, but not as much. But thinking back to what you said to me a while back, got me thinking that you were gonna say it again. Right at the game that I really wanted to play. I ended up not playing. That really frustrates me. I really hate crying in public. It makes me feel pathetic.

Friends, when you tell me your gonna go for sure, please be sure if you go. Cause I'm tired of telling the same old people to go, & they said they will, then they end up not going. I'm tired of it. I really am. & YOU. You like to say things to mess around. But you just don't really know when to stop. Cause it gets to me. I had a feeling that you said something about me not playing at all in the game yesterday, something like, "why isn't she playing? she probably sucks." No, SHUT UP. You haven't seen me play.

This week is all going downhill fast. I'm tired.

Thanks to those who tries, or tried to help me out this whole time. I love you<3

As I Sit Here & Think-

I see many, many things that cross my mind.
For one thing, girls don't act the way they supposed to act anymore. Why? Cause they wanna grow up too quickly. They dress up a certain way, talk a certain way, move in a certain way. STOP. Please. You sending off a HORRIBLE example for everybody. No one truly cares about how old you think you are. Your not grown up! ACT YOUR AGE. Your fucking fifteen & yet you wanna act like you twenty-one for some shit. But for one thing, I'm glad that your the way you are. Cause it shows me that I am for sure, BETTER than you. I have a better future, career & life.
Another, I feel like I'm not really close to anyone no more. A loner. I only talk to guys now, but they don't give me that feeling of true friendship you know? All of my closest friends go to different schools now, & I don't feel as close to them anymore. & all the ones that I used to be close with, aren't there anymore. What is wrong with me?
& I feel your pain Mary, I really do. I was about to cry right after Royse City, but I don't know. After the games, I try to cheer up! Be happy. The game just passed & I learn to let go. But I guess it's not really enough huh? Thanks for trying hard every game Mary, Monica too (: I really appreciate the hard work you guys put in there. I just hope I can make it easier on you two when I play.
I feel like a bad girlfriend. I talk to a lot of guys lately, & not enough girls. & one of them keeps touching me >:O But I still hang with him cause he's a friend. It's as bad as it sounds doesn't it? Man I feel like a cheater :[ I guess I just have a feeling of insecurity. I don't know. But I promise you, nothing is ever gonna get in between of me & you<3.
Longest Blog Ever Made? I think so (:

First Sophmore Day (:

was kinda fun (: well, i had to make it fun. Most of my classes were QUIET. ugh. It's annoying. I hate it when people are quiet man. But! Already, I got in trouble the first day haha! Coach Hoebag & Coach Sibley worked right next to each other on A3, & she comes in & already bitches at me. "Yolanda! What are you doing? Is that how you sit in a desk? Don't make me run you for that." FUCK DAMN. But the rest of the day was alright (: I didn't get to see some people like I wanted< / 3 But I will one day soon! Volleyball today was like 2 a-days man. We ran like a shit load! I fucking hated it. My legs are gonna be SUPER sore tomorrow. I barely have anybody in C lunch man. I only have Teenahh & Billa Bong! (: Selina! We will see each other tomorrow for sure!<3

An Empty Feeling.

I don't even feel like we're together anymore. You get mad over the littlest things ever! & it's not even a big deal. You make me feel like I always gotta change something about myself to keep you. Become the "image" that you want to see. Well I am not what you want me to be. I don't say nothing about you at all, I don't ask you to change nothing about yourself. But you, oh you. You ask for a lot. The only thing that I ever asked you to do was choose your words wisely when your talking to me. But still, you couldn't do that for me. I feel like I'm losing myself to keep up with you. Now I don't even know what I should do with you. I want to stay together, but then I don't. When we're together, everything seems into place. When we're not, when we're talking on aim, we argue like it's nothing. & when you threatened me with a break up, I really felt like I did want to break up. But then, again, I don't want to. I really don't want to do something that I might regret. I don't wanna sit around & wonder what's good with you. Why do you gotta make things difficult for me?

Careful Of What You Say-

cause it can come out the way you didn't want it. You know, when we fight, you don't choose your words wisely. You say the most hurtful words ever, but I know that you don't mean it the way it came out. You can't just find the right words. & whenever it comes to a difficult time, you don't wanna talk about it anymore. I try not to make it difficult at all. But you always think I do. Give me a straight answer & I'll simply reply with my honest answer. But whatever. Do what you do. Talk to me when you actually want to talk to me.

Fun Fun Day :D

It all started with volleyball (: I had it with my FAVORITE vball coach ever! She wasn't that hard on us today. Unlike Coach Hoebag. I hate her. ANYWAYS, then me & Destiny went back to my place where i cooked, fried rice! It was so yummy (: Then when we was heading up to the mall, me & Destiny was singing to "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, & then we see this girl whose all singing in her car dancing to this one song. So we're all like, "What is she listening to?" We sat there in the car trying to read her lips. & GUESS WHAT? She was listening to the EXACT same song as us! It was so HILARIOUS! The way she was dancing while driving. So funny (: Then we met up with Jenny & Ashley & Clay & shopped around a whole lot! I got all these new clothes (: & the salespeople are so fun to mess with (: They are COOL. Clay just loves making fun of me though. >:[ & the last store we went to was Windsor. I found this pretty ass dress! But it's $140 man. It was SO PERFECT! Exactly what I wanted for homecoming. Later when Clay was taking us home, he took us to the wrong side of the mall to get to his car. -___________-" I told him it was this one way, & he was all like, "Noo it's not." So we spent like, 10-15 minutes trying to stop cars to tell us where was Blue Garage was. It turned out to be the direction I pointed at >:[ Ugh, stupid Clay. & now I am at home. Good day, am I right? (:

Grow The Fuck Up?

Shit. I didn't give you a fucking attitude. I simply showed you a straight face. I'm not only fucking mad over the room shit, alright? I'm fucking pissed about how our parents fucking put you first. They give you whatever you want. Whenever you ask for something, they just give it to you like nothing. & I just sit here waiting & working my ass off for what I WANT. All you ever do is just go out & play while I'm here cleaning up all your fucking shit. Why? Cause Mommie & Daddy asked me too. I do things to make them happy. & all you can tell me is to "Grow the fuck up?" Bitch please. You're the one who needs to grow the fuck up. Can you at fucking least try & show some sympathy for our parents? You give back NOTHING. You always expect them to be there for you when you fall, whenever you need something, they get it for you. Just cause your fucking 18, it doesn't mean your all grown up. NO IT DOESN'T. It's just a number alright? You have to GROW UP to meet that level. Talking about how I'm irresponsible, & how I need to grow up. Bitch, think before you talk. You're way worse than I am. Think before you do something. I learn from your mistakes. GROW THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE.

Your So Effin Selfish.

Your my sister, no matter what happens, I am forced to love you. Cause your always there. But most of the time, all I ever hear is shit about you. "I wasn't home to make a mess, you clean it. Please clean this for me. I'm so stressed, please do this." Etc. You may not notice it, but our parents always put you first. They say they love us equally, which I believe. But when it comes to our needs [clothes, food & shit.] they always put YOU first. When ever I need money to buy more clothes, you already got to them. You ask them for money on things that you DON'T need. & when I need something, I can't get it. You know why? Cause YOU got to them, leaving me to wait & wait. Then I never get it. When we moved in this house at first, your current room was supposed to be MY ROOM. But since you are my sister, I gave it to you. Being a good sister. & now when we're switching the rooms around, Mommie & Daddie says that I get the Master room. Once you heard about that, you COMPLAINED & made them give you the Master room. Why? Cause THEY ALWAYS PUT YOU FIRST. They always worry about YOU the most. Whatever you want, they go & get it for you no matter what they had to do. Even if they know that they can't afford it before paying the bills for the house. They still get it for you. Why don't you do them a favor & give something back in return?

Coach Hoebag.

You seriously piss me off. I didn't do much today & you go & yell in my face. NO NEED TOO. No one on our JV team likes you. You can't teach for shit! Telling me to do this & that. No. Just stop. I know what I'm meant to do in this sport. Don't try to tell me what I can or can't do. The way you teach is bullshit. No one really tries to play the way you want, cause the way you want doesn't work. You never really help us. You just either sit on the sidelines & watch, or you just stand in the middle of the court to be in our way. AND YOU! The one that was barely here on tryout days. I know your a good player, but you talk a lot. I say something that wasn't even mean or some shit. & yet, you bitch at my face, "You know what shut up," "Yolanda get out of your ass" & blah blah blah. BITCH. I didn't say no fucking shit to your face. I don't tell you what to do, so I suggest you do the same. I do as I please alright? Quit acting like your the leader on this team, cause your not! Either choose your words wisely around me, or just STFU. Cause I ain't gonna just hold back & say nothing no more. I am tired of this shit. Do me a favor, if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't talk to me at all. Back the fuck off alright?

A Snap Back To Reality.

We all know that once we enter High School, that everything will change right? For some weird reason, I felt like I didn't change a bit. But now when I think about it, I did change. A lot! I became the person that I told myself that I will never be. No matter how hard I can try on anything, I will always think of myself as a failure. Because I can never truly live up to the things I want to live up to. I notice that once I meet new people, I can't really keep the close ones with meat all times. There's always someone whose being pushed back. One that is just standing in the dark, or just walking away. I feel like, I'm not myself anymore. Like, I don't even know myself anymore.

Alrighty now, no more sad words. The good news is, me & Jim are back together!<3 & I totally miss Johnny Phan so much! Yogen Fruz is not good. It's just like, NASTYY. G.I JOE is awesome! Go watch it! Mhmmm, Channing Tatum!<3 He is so effin HOT! With his shirt off & everything. Y U M ! <3

I Feel Like I'm Dying.

I swear! Ugh. I can't eat whatever I want! It's killing me slowly :[ I see all these pretty yummy food, & I get angry cause I can't eat it! >:O I think I'm on a diet :[ Diets are just plain sad!

First Day.

OMG, dangg, I feel like a failure :[ I did worse than last year on the first day! I had to sit out for a little bit. I think it was like an hour? Ugh. Stupid doctor. Told me to drink a protein shake before i go. Bitch! It made me throw up yellow water! Anyways, it was pretty fun on the second half. I really hope that it won't be as hard the rest of the days. One down! Six more to go. :[ Peter is soo awesome to let me come over twice today! (:

Memo for the rest of 2-a-days, eat fruits in the morning!

Dustin's birthday dinner today! (: Can't eat shit. I'm afraid that it'll make me slow tomorrow. -___________-"

:D

today was one of the most fun day ever (: well, not really (: i got to hang out with kevin&kenneth, & thanh, & this two year old girl named NGHI, & Jim! (: kenneth is actually a good driver (: good good day (:

You Make Me Feel (:

Kristina Kieu, your the best! i am so fortunate to have you in my life<3
Kelly Nguyen, you make me feel so special<3

Depression.

It's really sad isn't it? I really feel like I hit it already. & why's that? Who knows. Like I said earlier, you give no effort. & I still believe you still won't. Because you stick to what you think is right & stupid. It gets to me all the time because I feel like I've been trying to change you, but also I tried to make you a better person. A person looking forward to the future, someone who keeps trying to make a better life, someone who realizes their mistake & learn how to fix it. I guess it was just wrong to ever think of something like that.

Somehow, I felt like I knew this was coming. But I still catch myself asking, asking why. Why do I feel so hurt on the inside, but it just doesn't show at all? I can be happy with my friends, smiling, laughing, & enjoying myself. But I know deep down, I'm not really feeling that way. I guess it was just a state of depression.

Kristina, do you really think so? I really hope your right. & thanks for being there<3 I really believe that your a true friend to me. & I hope you'll forever be there for me.<3

Battled & Fought-

then ending up with pain and despair.

No Effort At All.

In a way, I feel jealous. But also, I know I'm not. It's not all because of one person you know. It's who YOU are. You still never make an effort. Tomorrow is supposed to be a special day. & yet when I ask you to hang out tomorrow, all I get is a "I don't know. Maybe." Have you even considered how I would feel about it? I just feel like a tagger towards you. Someone who just follows a crowd or person that just doesn't do anything but stick around. I don't wanna feel like tagger at all. In fact, I don't feel just an unimportant person. I want an effort from you. I don't wanna keep asking you when do you wanna hang out. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of making the plans. Just once, ONCE. I want you to make the plans. Ask me when do I wanna hang out, set up a day just for us. I hate this feeling. I hate it how I always call you first, how I always start the conversation, how you feel like I always "need you." I don't always need you! I don't wanna feel like the only one trying to make this work anymore. If this is all a set up, then your messed up. & it does prove my point. You don't make an effort anymore.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Thoughts.

My thoughts bring me to a deeper problem. If I had just waited like I wanted, we wouldn't have had this problem. I had a lot to say to you, but couldn't say it at all when it came along. I don't want you to make arrangements just cause I complained about it. I just want you to at least make a little more time. I'm not who I was in sixth grade anymore. I'm sorry if you liked that old me better than what I am now. But I'm not gonna try anymore. I tried so hard to get that person back. But you know what? People change. The world changed. Everybody's into different stuff, not the same old things before. I'm not gonna put myself out there to make people like me, doing the things people like to do now. No, I'm gonna do what I wanna do. Giving in to pier pressure is not me. Happy Fourth of July.

2:25 pm.

Weed.

I know that a whole bunch of kids are doing weed. But I never noticed how far it got to kids who we used to call friends. Kids who are in middle school, in ELEMENTARY school. What has happened to the world? People who I used to call friends, or people who I call friends now, are smoking weed. Why? Cause they like to call it cool, relaxing, fun, A NEED. No. You don't need it. You can do way better than that. I know you can. Quit giving in to pier pressure! It's not as awesome as you think anymore. Why waste time on getting high and doing nothing? You can find other stuff that is totally & way better than that. A whole lot funner. If you wanna stop so bad, quit wishing, & actually go & do it.

9:46 pm.

Grounded.

Ugh, soo recently I got in trouble. So the outcome was that I had to stay home for a COMPLETE week. & it's already been one day. I feel sick already :[ I hate the feeling of being at home. I'm not used to it! I wanna go out! >:O somebody come over? (:

3:10 pm.

Procrastinating & Anger

Alright so recently, I signed up for Speech Class. & already, we had so many homework. Ugh, I hate my teacher. He never stops staring either! I haven't even started on any yet! & when my mom found out that I have homework, my computer is messed up. & what do I get out of that? Her bitching in my face. Everytime she bitches in my face, I always glare at her. But it gets SO ANNOYING on how she gets all mad & says things like, "You wanna hit me? Hit me!" Blah blah blah. SHITT. STFU! Man, if she knew me, she would know I wouldn't hit her cause that's not right. It just shows that I have no respect for her, neither do I love her. I know better than to hit my own mother. But she thinks I'ma hit her all the time. Why? Cause I hit my own sister. Sister's are different. Which is why she doesn't understand. Yesterday my sister & I had a talk about my mother. & it's probably the saddest thing that I ever heard of my mom. & yet I try to maker her as happy as possible. But she never tries to make me happy as much as I try for her. My mom will never understand cause she's too afraid of me growing up & moving away from her. Ugh, it bothers me so.

9:00 pm.

Friends Forever?

Now we all know the term, "friends forever," right? For some reason, I don't think it applies as much as people would try to say & keep. As much as I wanna stay close to that one friend, the more I feel different from them. We go to different schools, we both hang out with two COMPLETELY different groups of people, & we're always busy. You will always be close to me in my heart, but at times, I just feel like I'm not as important as I thought I should be. You made that choice long ago, & that is probably the reason why we're not as close anymore. But we're only human. No one is perfect. & I can't blame you for the choice you made. It's totally up to you, & it bothers me so much because it's not the choice I wanted you to choose. No matter how hard I try, I can't get as close to you like how I use to. I wish we could go back in time to relive those moments where we were so close to each other. I guess that's what high school does to people. It shows us that we will change once high school has started, & where we stand in our relationship. I just want us to connect like how we used to.

9:54 pm.

Grammar.

Do you know what bothers me the most over the internet? GRAMMAR. I hate it when people try to type like, "duh, da, tuh-ime, etc" stuff like that. It's just really stupid & lame. NO ONE really is really gonna take time to notice your typing! It doesn't make you cool or whatsoever. It makes no differences in the world. Just stop it >:P

7:30 pm

Eight Months

Happy Eight Months Baby<3 & Happy Birthday Kevin! Alrighty then, soo today is our eight months<3 and it's supposed to be a WONDERFUL day ever. Apparently, not really. First off, I took a bus to see the boyfriend<3. TWO HOURS to get there. On the way to his place, i fucking got my wallet stolen. Fucking stupid bitchh. Ugh. RUINED my day. I wasn;t as mad as I should've been though. It was a pretty one too! I would show a picture, BUT. They don't have it up on Spencersonline.com. Soo I will describe it! Okayy, soo it's one of those hardcovered wallets that are rectangle, & it had cushion on the sides (: The whole wallet was BLACK & had pretty white stars all over it! It fucking costed me $17! & I had five bucks in there, & a very IMPORTANTE note in there. The very first note ever that the boyfriend had ever wrote to anybody. He wrote it to me. I kept it for eight straight months. Now it's gone :[ So yeahh, when I got to Jim's place, we ended up going swimming at Holford. Which was like, SUPER crowded. I had to borrow David's sister;s bathing suit. Then went back to the boyfriend's house to shower & eat. When we was about to go home, the freaking huge tornado was coming! So I had to stay there for a while, waiting for it to calm down soo we can get on the road. Now I am at home typing up this blog (: Nice day huh? Yeahh. I just LOVE it. -___________-" Well I'm off to do better things. Good Night!

8:34 pm.

Inspiration

Soo, as I write my first blog, I think of Mary & Kristina. Why? Cause I got this blogger thingy-ma-jigg from them. Then I think, wow, I have never met anyone like them. Throughout my Freshman year, they were always there & anytime when I need someone to tell me the truth, I had them to tell me straight through with no problems. I never realize how much people care soo much for me. I mean, of course there's always someone whose gonna care for someone, but I never thought that it would come for them<3. It's gonna be soo sad when we all split up next year. Well, just one of us. But still, our bond will forever always, be there forever&ever<3

10:10 pm.