Not Anymore.

I hate this feeling. This week has gotten me to think a lot about my life. I notice that I'm not close to anybody at all. I can't confide in anybody, run to anybody, trust anybody. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Just someone whose watching the show, no voice coming out at all. I wanna change it so bad. I wanna go back to where we would just chill & hang out with no problems. No worries. Those memories are so hard to get back now.

I hate North Garland so bad. Take me out of it PLEASE. There is literally no one who that I am close to. I can only see them as a person who I can just talk to. The majority of them are either stuck up or they just really bother me. Where is the meaning of friendship? Where did it go? Cause seriously, I don't know the meaning of it anymore. I try & try so hard to get it back. But you know what? It's not coming back anymore. I don't wanna sit around & wait for that person to walk into my life & stay. I wanna find it now, but with the people that I get stuck with, for sure, they are not it.

You say a lot of things, you can be the sweetest person ever, but you can also be the most hurtful one yet. I didn't get to play yesterday it bothered me, but not as much. But thinking back to what you said to me a while back, got me thinking that you were gonna say it again. Right at the game that I really wanted to play. I ended up not playing. That really frustrates me. I really hate crying in public. It makes me feel pathetic.

Friends, when you tell me your gonna go for sure, please be sure if you go. Cause I'm tired of telling the same old people to go, & they said they will, then they end up not going. I'm tired of it. I really am. & YOU. You like to say things to mess around. But you just don't really know when to stop. Cause it gets to me. I had a feeling that you said something about me not playing at all in the game yesterday, something like, "why isn't she playing? she probably sucks." No, SHUT UP. You haven't seen me play.

This week is all going downhill fast. I'm tired.

Thanks to those who tries, or tried to help me out this whole time. I love you<3