ugh ugh UGH

i'm jealous, i know i am. having other girls coming & talking to you, makes me JEALOUS. i hate it. i feel like i lost you, the sweet guy that i always had. but now, i feel like i'm losing you forever. i know i don't really show it as much right now, but at this very moment, i realized, i don't wanna lose you. but i guess that you don't want to have anything to do with me at this moment. is this supposed to get me to come running back to you? if it is, it's really stupid. you make me mad all the time, you say things too honestly, but i'm still connected to you somehow. you make me not want to let go at all. but iono how to tell you. i want to tell you so bad, but for some reason, i feel like you don;t care at all. that you just forgot about me, left me behind. I don't want an on & off yes, but i do just wanna keep you with me always<3 can you at least just give me a clue? somehow show me tell me if you want me to stay or not. i don't wanna sit & wonder what's good with you.

YOU! OMG, you piss me off at times. Your a hypocrite! you do something to me, i don't worry about it, i do the same, you get pissed. SHIT. don't do things that you don't want people to do to you! & you didn't even know my friend at all, & randomly take his shirt? what the fuck man. that's effin rude, i mean, coming from him, it's cool cause you know you. but your a friend stealer! i notice that on you i swear. Your just like my sister, & that's what i hate about you. You use people to get to know more people so you can be known. i hate how you try to steal MY friends away from me. get your facts straight i swear, you may know more people than me, but you can never find good friends like i have. Being popular means NOTHING to me. You act just like pisey right when she started. you just try hard to get attention. i'm getting sick & tired. i don't wanna even hang around with you anymore. you act such like a real cheerleader. always gotta have things your way i swear. get what you want, & leave the rest. what kind of friend are you?

when will you grow the fuck up?

you think your all "mature" & shit, just cause you have an id to tell you. You're not fucking grown up! You're a failure. A total screw-up, selfish brat. You tell me that I need to grow the fuck up, PLEASE. I at least act my age, I get my education done. & what do you do? You make our mother worry & cry, making things worse for her. Bitch please, you haven't grown up yet. Your still living off of her money! You say you pay for your own shit, things you need, bitch, you have mommie for that. All you do with your money is go clubbing. GET CHO HEAD STRAIGHT. You ain't grown up at all! I didn't even hear some fucking words you said three times, & you throw a bitch fit at me. Just cause you couldn't have it your way, your fucking selfish! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD. Realize the shit your doing & fix it. Fuck damn.

Louis Ly.

Louis, although I didn't know you well,
I knew you enough to know that your a great guy.
We will never forget you<3
Rest In Peace My Friend.
May all your dreams & wishes come true.
I'll meet you at the gateway someday.

March 26,1994 - September 12-13, 2009

Not Anymore.

I hate this feeling. This week has gotten me to think a lot about my life. I notice that I'm not close to anybody at all. I can't confide in anybody, run to anybody, trust anybody. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Just someone whose watching the show, no voice coming out at all. I wanna change it so bad. I wanna go back to where we would just chill & hang out with no problems. No worries. Those memories are so hard to get back now.

I hate North Garland so bad. Take me out of it PLEASE. There is literally no one who that I am close to. I can only see them as a person who I can just talk to. The majority of them are either stuck up or they just really bother me. Where is the meaning of friendship? Where did it go? Cause seriously, I don't know the meaning of it anymore. I try & try so hard to get it back. But you know what? It's not coming back anymore. I don't wanna sit around & wait for that person to walk into my life & stay. I wanna find it now, but with the people that I get stuck with, for sure, they are not it.

You say a lot of things, you can be the sweetest person ever, but you can also be the most hurtful one yet. I didn't get to play yesterday it bothered me, but not as much. But thinking back to what you said to me a while back, got me thinking that you were gonna say it again. Right at the game that I really wanted to play. I ended up not playing. That really frustrates me. I really hate crying in public. It makes me feel pathetic.

Friends, when you tell me your gonna go for sure, please be sure if you go. Cause I'm tired of telling the same old people to go, & they said they will, then they end up not going. I'm tired of it. I really am. & YOU. You like to say things to mess around. But you just don't really know when to stop. Cause it gets to me. I had a feeling that you said something about me not playing at all in the game yesterday, something like, "why isn't she playing? she probably sucks." No, SHUT UP. You haven't seen me play.

This week is all going downhill fast. I'm tired.

Thanks to those who tries, or tried to help me out this whole time. I love you<3

As I Sit Here & Think-

I see many, many things that cross my mind.
For one thing, girls don't act the way they supposed to act anymore. Why? Cause they wanna grow up too quickly. They dress up a certain way, talk a certain way, move in a certain way. STOP. Please. You sending off a HORRIBLE example for everybody. No one truly cares about how old you think you are. Your not grown up! ACT YOUR AGE. Your fucking fifteen & yet you wanna act like you twenty-one for some shit. But for one thing, I'm glad that your the way you are. Cause it shows me that I am for sure, BETTER than you. I have a better future, career & life.
Another, I feel like I'm not really close to anyone no more. A loner. I only talk to guys now, but they don't give me that feeling of true friendship you know? All of my closest friends go to different schools now, & I don't feel as close to them anymore. & all the ones that I used to be close with, aren't there anymore. What is wrong with me?
& I feel your pain Mary, I really do. I was about to cry right after Royse City, but I don't know. After the games, I try to cheer up! Be happy. The game just passed & I learn to let go. But I guess it's not really enough huh? Thanks for trying hard every game Mary, Monica too (: I really appreciate the hard work you guys put in there. I just hope I can make it easier on you two when I play.
I feel like a bad girlfriend. I talk to a lot of guys lately, & not enough girls. & one of them keeps touching me >:O But I still hang with him cause he's a friend. It's as bad as it sounds doesn't it? Man I feel like a cheater :[ I guess I just have a feeling of insecurity. I don't know. But I promise you, nothing is ever gonna get in between of me & you<3.
Longest Blog Ever Made? I think so (: